pain

Take a look at this:

It's an experiment. More to the point, it is an experiment that has failed over and over and over and over again. Experimental science selects for people who build up a head of optimism, charge at a cinderblock wall with no protection, smash their skulls against it, piece their skulls back together, and repeat. The driving force for this is that every once in a while, one passes through the wall and attains a secret of nature on the other side. As Nietzsche said, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I've gotta tell you, it's a close call on this one. If I get mowed down by a truck on Longwood later today, at least I won't have to repeat this fucking experiment.

Now that you mention it ...

Jenn C, I never precisely repeat an experiment that is not working, since if science works at all, then a precise repetition should give the same useless result. In grad school, I was a sucker for just repeating things until I realized that implied a lack of confidence on my advisor's part. I now know how to deal with this suggestion.

Mafia, it means a great deal that people stop by, read a desperate post, and leave some encouraging words. I am always tickled pink to see that you've left a comment. The membrane between sanity and self-violence seems unbelievably thin at times, and more so recently than ordinarily.

Julie, it is, in fact, one of those! The damn thing either works barely or not at all. Maddening, and worse, because it really makes one wonder about the relevance of one's research. Just what is real?

Ariel, thank you for the compliments, and especially for suggesting that I have some optimism lying around here somewhere.

Dear Husband, thank you darling, for everything.

Nik, it's a pulse-chase. Newly translated proteins are labeled in vivo with radioisotope (35S methionine) then chased with cold methionine in order to evaluate protein turnover. After the time course, extracts are prepared (a real nuisance with tough as nails yeast), radio-immunoprecipitations are carried out, and proteins are resolved by SDS-PAGE. The gel is fixed and dried, then exposed to a phosphorimager screen (or film, if you are old school). It is a long process, which makes it all the more painful when it bombs.

Emily, those projects that don't work should not be propagated without full disclosure. My guess on the malate dehydrogenase: missing cofactors or lack of activating in vivo modifications.

Erich, I can translate your short response even without the longer email (which I thoroughly enjoyed): "Have read, understood, and empathize like nobody's business."

IH Toast, that's it exactly! It's not caused by reanimated or transmogrified flesh at all.

Dorothy, blind stubbornness gratefully accepted.

Comments

[Liz]

okay, so the bio studying must be getting to me, 'cause I looked at that and just went, oh f**k. Madness, she lurks behind every corner. Especially the ones like those. Yeah.

[Kate]

Hi, I work for a company that makes western blotting kits--can I help? it's one of my areas of expertise and I am the "2nd tier" technical support for western blotting applications. :) So, I feel your pain, in 2007, I ran 1564 westerns. And, I have had them work beautifully and sometimes not at all.

[Dorothy]

That would really, really suck.

For me, this is where the stubborn streak would kick into overdrive.

I shall send you some of my blind stubbornness and hope the experiment goes well pretty damn soon. Nothing more frustrating than something that doesn't do what it is supposed to every damn time!

[IHateToast]

so those are the finger smears of a dying scientist on the foggy glass on the lab doors in a film noir?

[Erich Schwarz]

Hang in there!

[Longer comment in e-mail!]

[Emily L]

yep. after i submitted my undergrad thesis describing a project that after a full year of working on constantly had produce NO results, i realized i am not cut out to be a bench scientist. i really admire you for your work.

(i later learned that a post-doc had designed the experiment but had retreated to industry after getting NO results on this an other projects. i don;t think malate dehydrogenase works precisely the way its supposed to.)

[Nik]

What is that? A western?

[Dear Husband]

That sure is the frustrating part of being a working scientist: repeatedly plugging away at something to try and get it to work correctly.

You've got the great bench chops, intense determination, and perseverance to keep plugging away at it -- to figure out how to get it to work (or how to approach it differently). Hang in there Biologist Babe! We know you can do it! Love, -DH

[Ariel]

I took a biology class for fun a few years ago, and quickly realized that I simply wasn't cut out for the sciences when two hours of dribbling wee drops of solutions into tiny tubes over and over and over again almost drove me over the edge. I sincerely admire both your optimism and your patience.

[Julie]

What's even worse? When it works and you can't REPEAT it. Argh! I can still clearly remember this one gorgeous gel with the bands we wanted all the way across for nearly every sample and I was never able to get that one to work again.

[The Feminist Mafia]

Scientists impress me for a great number of reasons, but at this moment, I think the perseverance is the most impressive character trait. Though it probably doesn't mean much, perhaps my kudos will get you through just one more repeat. And another person can get you through the next. And so on. In short -- Girl, we're all here behind you!

[Jenn C.]

So do you change the experiment a little bit each time you run it in hopes of success? Or just the same thing each time, hoping for slightly different behavior?

Because that second option seems like it would drive me to insanity pretty darn quick.